Hey, everybody, its Dr. May, how are you? All right, I hope you're having a good day and you're ready for some skills.
We're going to start the middle path module today. So my plan is to do an intro of what the middle path module is all about and then focus on dialectics.
So that's the D and DBT. All right, so get this up for you before we start getting into it.
So walking the middle path, right? So if we look at that picture, right, it's kind of like this trees on one side, and this trees on another side, but we're just going to try to go down the middle.
It's kind of a metaphor for the way we think about things that instead of being extreme on the one side or the other side, we're going to try to go down the middle and have more of a balanced point of view about things, right?
Because if we're very extreme, chances are we're in emotional mind. And emotional mind might be what of what led you to DBT in the first place. So having that more middle ground gray area thinking rather than black and white thinking helps to put us more in a wise mind. Okay, so walking the middle path really is about getting back into wise mind.
Okay, if you want to know more about what wise mind is, I suggest checking out mindfulness module and where you could do my mindfulness module video about the three states of mind because wise mind is in there. Okay, so here's a fun fact about the middle path. So did you know that DBT didn't make up that term? It's actually been around for like, a few 1000 years, and it started with Buddhism. So Buddhism talks about the middle path or the middle way, in terms of avoiding certain extremes also. Okay, so their extremes that they were talking about is the middle path between self denial and self indulgence.
So some of the people back then a few thousand years ago thought that they could attain enlightenment, by depriving their physical selves of all kinds of comfort. So they talked about these ascetic people, and they would barely eat, and they would barely take care of themselves, because they thought that if they deny the physical, the spiritual would be more prominent, and then they would attain enlightenment.
But Buddha realized that that's not really true at all. But then again, self indulgence isn't really so great either. So eventually, he found the middle path and started teaching that to people. And one of the tools that use as they call it, the Eightfold Path, that's eight different ways that they could achieve that middle ground or enlightenment. Alright, but getting back to DBT.
So the DBT talks about certain goals for the middle path module.
One of them is to learn how to think more dialectically. So that involves identifying what they call dialectical dilemmas, and then coming to a more dialectical approach after you work with the dilemma. Okay, so plenty of more about that to come. And that's going to be the focus of today. All right, and then they talk about two ends of the dialectic better. That's one of the foundations of DBT.
On the one hand, we're going to talk in a lot of detail about validation and acceptance. On the other hand, we're going to talk a lot about different change skills, right? So specifically behaviorism, and also some ways to motivate ourselves to change.
So on the one hand, we're talking about acceptance, accept you the way you are, and on the other hand, at the same time, maybe some things need to change in your life. So we're going to handle both ends of this and a little more detail in future videos. All right.
So dialectics. Ah, so what are dialectics and DBT groups, I get asked this all the time, and it's easy to forget. So you might want to rewatch this video, if you need to, in case you forget, what dialectics are about because it's not a word we always use every day, unless you're in DBT, in which case, you probably do use it every day.
So what are dialectics so dialectics involve two things that seem like they're opposite. And they had nothing in common, right? They're just like happy and sad, like, what are totally different feelings, right? Like, what do they have in common, like those maps on the on the screen here, but they're both true and valid at the same time.
And, you know, this may be a bigger thing, a bigger concept that that subsumes all of them, you know, and there's a bigger hole that is that they're both part of.
Okay, so let's say happy, feels very different from sad, but they're both feelings, right? They're part of our larger feeling repertoire. So they're really not opposite at all, they're just part of a whole.
And recognizing that is part of dialectical thinking. And when we get stuck on one side, that's, you know, more of an emotional line problem.
Okay, so, let's break down the word dialectic. So doesn't seem like such a big vocabulary word.
The word dialectic sounds kind of similar to the word dialogue, right? So what's the dialogue? Like, let's say, you know, you're talking with somebody, okay? And you're talking about a certain topic, and you have one opinion, and the other person has almost an opposite opinion. Right?
What's in common, you're both having a certain response to a larger topic, right? And maybe if you go do some back and forth about that topic, you'll come to a higher understanding or truth. Okay. And that's how we work through a dialectic.
In philosophy, they did this process quite a bit. And they talked about a thesis, which means that idea, and an antithesis, which is the opposite idea. And so anytime they say you come up with an idea, it automatically calls it the opposite idea. So if I say hot, it automatically calls up ideas about cold, right? Or if I call up the idea about happy, it might automatically call up the idea about sad, or, you know, what's another one, let's say, closeness and distance, okay? And this is a way to put them together and think about, you know, what, what can come from them, and that's a synthesis. Okay. So, I this is below, in a dialogue, people may enter with different or conflicting opinions, but through discussion, they can come to a truth, synthesis or resolution. And that's the whole idea. Okay. Now, what I do some more vocabulary here. So we're going to talk about dialectical dilemmas. And dialectical thinking, okay, but they're both kind of different. Alright, so I just want to clarify what we're talking about.
So a dialectical dilemma, as it says, In the left, is when you're stuck on one side, so there's two different things we're talking about. It's like you're emotionally attached to one side, and maybe completely forgetting about the other, or you're invalidating the other side. Right? So I'm, I think I'm right, and you're wrong.
And I'm completely stuck in this idea that I'm right. But maybe I'm missing the fact that you have some things that make a lot of sense to you. Right?
So that would be putting that together would be dialectical thinking, like, how can I have a point and you have a point out that I have had some contribution to this issue, and you had some contribution to this issue, right? So putting that together is dialectical thinking, right? And that's seeing the whole it See, it's more of a wise mind approach. And that's really what we're driving for. Right?
So you can you see how when we're emotional, we can get stuck in the dilemma part, where like, No, I'm right, No, you're wrong. I'm right. You're right. So it's like, you're very intense about that one side. And so if you're an emotional mind, that's often what happens, especially interpersonally in an argument, but also within yourself, you know, and just the way you think about things. I also happen to look up the word dilemma, just for the heck of it.
So the love is defined as a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones. So it's about choosing one side or the other. But dialectical thinking is about considering both sides. So it's a both end consideration, right? This is true, and that is true, not just one or the other. Okay, so it's more in corporative of the whole. Alright, hope you're with me. All right.
So what some clues that you're stuck in the dialectical dilemma. So that's the part when you stuck in one side.
Okay, so you're probably feeling emotional, right? Because you're very intent intense about your point of view. And maybe someone's feeling very differently from you. Black and White thinking, right? So these are extremes of thinking that come up. And it's very rigid. Okay. And rigidity and chaos are signs of unhealthy thinking, flexibility and integration are signs of healthy thinking, right?
So guess what side that's on, that's more of a dialectical thinking side, the dialectical dilemma side, when you're stuck in one side, dialectic is more of that rigid, black and white thinking, Okay, which could kind of get us into trouble sometimes. Okay, into personally interpersonally. If you're stuck in a dilemma, your dialectical dilemma, you might be in the middle of an argument, right? It's me and what I think versus you and what you think. And we're thinking, I'm right, and you're wrong. Okay. Um, and also, if even if you're not in the room with somebody, but you're like rehashing a situation in your mind, and you're pretty sure you're right about it.
Like I know, I was right, the way I saw this way I did this, and you're stuck on your rightness, but the situation is not really getting any better. So chances are, there's something else you might have to let in or consider in order to defuse the whole thing. Alright, so let's go back to this again. So now and the next part, we're going to talk more about dialectical thinking. So this is more of the wise mind integration, that we're going to focus on here. So that's what we're aiming for. Alright, so how to think dialectically. So again, this has to do with shifting the way we think and perceive things. So one thing is that that helps, is remembering that opinions are not facts. Just because I think it it doesn't necessarily mean it's true, right? So if I loosen up on that a little bit, and I say,
Well, I think this way, you think a different way. That's your opinion, that's very nice. And this is my opinion, it just shows that they're different. You know, I don't necessarily have to make us right or wrong. And that kind of helps us come together. Another thing we can do is to explore our options and be flexible, and that there's many ways to solve a problem.
So it's not just about that one thing you're thinking about, maybe your target behavior isn't the only thing you can do to help the situation. Maybe there's other things you can try. Right? So broadening it out, going to door number one, door number two, door number three, Option A, B, or C helps us think more dialectically observing fully mindfulness, right. So you have to zoom out and see the whole picture as clearly as you can check the facts take in all the information you can. So then therefore, you can make a wise mind decision. All right, that's also part of dialectics. Like I said before, it's both end, right? Not just either or so incorporating everything and emotionally, remembering that it's okay to feel more than one thing at a time. And we often do, right? It's let's say, you see somebody laughing and having a good time. You're saying, Wait a minute, this a few minutes ago, you said you were really depressed about something? What's up with that laughing? Are you lying to me?
Well, maybe she's so depressed. But on the outside, she's just, you know, getting along with people and having a good time in that moment. So she could have some joy and some sadness at the same time. Right. So that's definitely possible. So we have to make room for more than just one thing. Alright, so more how to think dialectically. So another thing we could try is to avoid assumptions.
Remember, that old saying don't assume makes an asset of you and me, right? So at times, it kind of does. So just don't assume you're right. Or that you could read other people's minds? Or that, you know, you're pretty sure that this is what's going on? You could be wrong, right? We got to humble up a little bit. Remember that we don't know everything.
You can't possibly, you know, read other people's minds and know what they're thinking just because we think they're thinking something we could be wrong. Right. So allowing those other possibilities, helps us dialectically. And also remembering that we're not perfect, right? So if you think you're right all the time, won't you? Probably not. Alright, avoiding judgment or blame. So that's finger pointing and saying, Well, you did this and you did that. So instead, you can express things with I statements. So that diffuses a polarity to, well, instead of you did something wrong, it's just, I feel a little bit disappointed right now.
Okay, so that's a little bit more middle ground.
Okay, so benefits of dialectical thinking, in case it doesn't appeal to you yet. We'll go over a few benefits. So one, because it's helping you be flexible, it makes you more adaptive to stressful situations, and more resilient therefore. So when you get when you give yourself other options, you see it more clearly, you take into account other points of view, it gives you a better shot at coping with it better, right and weathering the storms of life. dialectical thinking also helps you to stay calmer, because getting stuck on one side of a dialectic, or extreme is black and white thinking is associated with being super emotional. So when you defuse that, you take both sides into account, you tend to calm down, right?
And you also will have better relationships with fewer arguments, right? And one way to do dialectical stuff in an argument is to validate the other person is then you're considering their side, you're showing them that you hear their side, and then that comes the whole thing down. So it's not just you focusing on what you think you're letting the person know, you respect what they think, or what their experiences. Okay, so I hope you were enticed by this intro.
And that dialectical thinking makes some sense to you. Alright, the next video I do is going to be about a lot of examples of dialectical thinking, and dialectical dilemmas. Okay. So, because it's a little long, I'm going to put it, you know, in another one, but that's a great one that you'll be able to refer to, if you want to see how it plays out in real life. Okay, so thanks for listening. Hope this makes sense. And I'll talk to you next time. All right. Bye, everybody.
