The GIVE skill give is used to improve or maintain a good relationship with another person during an interaction.
GIVE can be incorporated when you're asking someone for something or saying no to her request.
In general, people are more likely to do what you asked them if they feel cared for and respected. And you are more likely to feel good about yourself when you treat others with care and respect. The acronym give stands for gentle, interested, validate an easy manner.
First, be gentle by being nice and respectful in your approach. This usually means four things. One, don't use attacks, verbal or physical. People won't like you and certainly will not comply with your request if they feel disrespected, too. Don't use threats. Describe consequences for not getting what you want calmly and objectively. tolerate the other person saying no to your request and exit the conversation gracefully. Three, don't judge. This means no name calling, blaming or guilt trips for don't disrespect.
Be respectful with your words, facial expression and body language. Don't walk out of the conversation.
Don't mock with a smile or sarcasm. Don't cut the other person off. Ask yourself How do I want this person to think about me after this interaction.
The I in GIVE stands for acting interested in the other person and what they are saying. This includes listening to their point of view, opinion or reasons for saying no or making a request of you. If you have a question about something they're saying or you disagree, gently ask and listen for their answer.
Again, acting interested with your body language and facial expression is important. Face the person, maintain eye contact, lean towards them, and don't walk away mid conversation. If they'd like to end the conversation respect their wishes to talk another time.
V stands for validate. validation is communicating to the other person that their feelings, thoughts or opinions are understandable. To validate does not necessarily mean to agree or approve. It means seeing the world or situation from the other person's point of view and communicating that back to them. You can validate with words for example, I can see that you're upset where I realized this is hard for you and I still want to have this conversation. You can also validate with nonverbal communication such as nodding, leaning in making eye contact and showing the person you are listening.
Finally, use an easy manner. It is possible to be assertive and friendly at the same time. Be light hearted and unafraid to use a little humor. Smile, ease the other person along ditcher out attitude and focus on doing what works.
Remember, we're trying to maintain a good relationship while also getting your request. No one likes to feel attacked, cornered or like they're walking on a landmine. Be gentle, act interested, validate and use an easy manner and this will increase the likelihood that your relationships will be strong and you will get what you want.
