The skill FAST is used to help you maintain or increase your self respect in interpersonal situations.
Self respect is related to how you feel about yourself after an interaction. You can use fast when making a request or saying no to a request.
The acronym stands for be fair, no apologies, stick to values and be truthful.
First, be fair to yourself and the other person.
Remember to validate your own feelings and wishes as well as the other person's. This means communicating to yourself and them that the current feelings thoughts or opinions related to the situation are understandable to you.
Some people consistently give in to what other people want never sticking up for their own wishes, while others consistently only do what they want, never considering the other person. Finding a balance of these two positions means being fair to yourself and to the other person.
The next fast skill is to not over apologize. Don't apologize for making the request or for saying no, don't apologize for having an opinion or for disagreeing. Apologies often imply that you're wrong or making a mistake. When we apologize before making a request. Like I'm so sorry, but can you it can make our requests seem unimportant.
And over time, apologizing can reduce your self respect or credibility. Of course, apologize if you've made a mistake, but try to avoid apologizing when no mistake was made.
The next skill is to stick to your values. Avoid selling out your values in order to keep the other person happy or liking you. This skill involves first being clear about what your values are and holding on to your position. Some people are willing to sell out everything in order to get others approval and liking while others are very reluctant to be flexible and compromise. Which side do you tend to go towards.
The skill of sticking to your values is about knowing what your values are and sticking to them, thereby maintaining your self respect.
For example, if you value being kind, but the people you're with want to nastily criticize others, sticking to your values might mean gently leaving the situation we're speaking up and asking them to stop.
Finally, be truthful. Don't lie or act helpless when you're not. Don't exaggerate or make up excuses. dishonesty over time will diminish your self respect. And if you feel you have to lie, for some reason, do it mindfully. This means being aware of your lie and doing it with intention instead of lying carelessly or excessively. And if you're someone who lies a lot, be more mindful of when you're choosing to do it so that your self respect in your relationships don't erode over time.
Taken together, the four fast skills will help you maintain self respect while navigating interpersonal interactions. Remember to be fair to yourself and the other person, not to over apologize. Stick to your values and be truthful
